Exercises for Couples

Touch

1. One partner is the giver and the other is the receiver. We will switch roles after few minutes.

2. When I am the giver:  take a deep breath and allow my body to settle down. Search my soul for the love I still feel for my partner. Reach out and communicate that love through a gentle caress on the hand or arm. This requires me to let go of the tension, anger, and hurt I have been holding on to.

3. When I am the receiver:  settle myself enough to receive my partner’s touch. Reach out with my heart to receive what is being given. Accept my partners’ gift without judgment.

Gaze

1. Sit or stand opposite each other. Take a deep, slow breath together.

2. Look into each other’s eyes for few minutes. It’s easier if you pick one eye, so you’re not jumping back and forth between them.

3. Notice what happens in your body when you look into your partner’s eyes. Anxiety is a part of intimacy, and you probably feel some anxiety when looking into each other.

4. Notice how you respond to your partner’s anxiety. Try to make room for it so you can focus on calming yourself.

Hug

1. Hold each other gently for five minutes.

2. It’s ok to lean on a wall or other support to make this more comfortable

3. Focus on calming your own body while you are in contact with your partner’s body

Talk

Roles:  speaker and listener

Preparation:  sit or stand facing each other. Include eye contact if you can. 

Take a deep, slow, breath together. 

Speaker:  share a short preference or perception 

preference:  “I want you to. . .”

perception:  “I think you. . .”

Take a deep, slow breath together

Listener:  “I understand that you. . .” 

So the process goes like this:

1. Breathe

2. Speak

3. Breathe

4. Respond

Tips:

• You don’t need to defend or disagree. If your partner says something that you disagree with, just respond that you understand that they are saying what they said

• Be concise, it’s impossible to repeat back a whole paragraph.

• You can talk about your partner, but you don’t have to

• You say things that might upset your partner, but you don’t have to

• You can also say things that might help your partner open their heart to you

• You can trade places between listener and speaker after a minute, five minutes, or whenever you want to.

• Fight the urge to defend or disagree. Your partner is talking about their perception, not your perception.

• If this exercise devolves into friendly conversation, that’s fine. If it devolves into unfriendly conversation, go back to following the structure.

Dance

Slow dance

• Dance to your favorite slow song with your partner

• Notice any anxiety or unpleasant feelings that arise

• Make room for those feelings to be part of your experience

• Resist the urge to blame your unpleasant internal experience on your partner.

Partner dancing

• Learn and practice swing, waltz, or latin dancing with your partner.

• Attend a class, find a teacher, or use online resources to learn.

• Learning and practicing dance can be a frustrating experience. Focus on calming yourself down.